Sad day for a mother of stillborn..

Yesterday, I went to tesco wif mama, bought groceries. Before shopping, we stopped at a cafe inside the tesco mall for our lunch 1st. We were starving..hm..the waitress very nice n friendly. When i wanna pay d bill, she told me this with a very gentle smile " kak, bulat perut akak" (meaning that she thinks that I am pregnant, n she is happy for it)..i just replied her with a smile.

Inside the tesco, while shopping, i saw this 2 preggy ladies.. lady A, she walked while softly rubbing her pregnant belly..lady B, she walked while eating the ferrero roche which she is still yet to pay for it.craving sgt kot..

Not oni dat, tesco is having promotion for baby items until next week..so,lots of cheap items for a newborn baby. eventho i dun have one, but no harm looking at it kan..bila dah tgk, rasa nak beli pun ada.but...

N tak abis dgn tu..I had my breakfast dis morning while watching TV, and kuar iklan gugu gaga erra. It not stop there..I surf net, wanna read gossips bout artist,open murai.com n it keep on prompting gugu gaga erra nyer advert at the main menu..haih..

I cant deny, I am not dat strong enuf sometimes..my heart cries, my eyes full of tears..hati tersentuh with wat had happened n wat i saw..if I'm still pregnant, maybe my belly is so big now n counting days for my due date which is expected on 1 Aug ..but, the fact, I am a mother now n have delivered my stillborn baby..

No wonder lots of article saying dat most of a mother of stillborn baby, will want to get pregnant again as soon as they are fully recover. I feel d same way too..It is undescribe emotion when I saw a baby and preggy ladies. Eventho I accept n redha for wat had happened, but deep down inside my heart, I wish I can touch, hold n kiss my baby..n do things that a mother will do..Imagine, U've been informed everything is ok, u had buy things 4 ur baby n dream of things that u will do together with ur baby and suddenly all the hope disappears, just like dat with no sign..I really pray that Allah will give me another chance..

Most of people around me, advise me to get pregnant after one year..hmm..but, i think i cant wait that long. luckily my doc told me dat my condition is getting better and it is ok to have a baby after this 3 mths..maybe ppl will say, why so rush..masih muda.For me, as long as doc told me that it is no harm to get pregnant again, i dun care wat others will say. I am lucky coz my hubby understand me n always there to support me.. but apapun, it still up to Allah willing.

*Mommy recite Al Fatiha for baby..amin*